Original Instagram Post – August 13, 2019
On Saturday I was honored to stand with two of my nearest and dearest as they entered into wedded bliss. Leading up to the wedding I was an anxious mess. It had been a long time since anyone valued my friendship enough to ask me to stand beside them on one of the most important days of their lives. Knowing myself, how desperately I strive for perfection in all that I do, and how deeply it scars me to disappoint the people I love, I regretted saying yes almost instantly.
This year has been a struggle to keep my anxiety and depression from dragging me down to the point of no return. I’ve forced light into some of my darkest corners, opened myself up in ways and to people I never could have imagined, and reluctantly repinned my heart to my sleeve.
After a near panic attack the night before the wedding, I convinced myself the pressure was too much, I was the wrong choice, whatever I said or did could never be enough. I got lost in my inner chaos, and almost talked myself out of one of the most beautiful, joyous experiences I’ve ever been fortunate enough to witness.
Despite all of my progress, all of my growth, all the strength and determination I’ve enacted to keep myself above ground this year, I can still interchange between my biggest enemy and grandest champion in the blink of an eye. It’s an ongoing battle, and I hate it…but I keep fighting. Sometimes we lose small battles, and that’s okay. But I’m determined to win the war, so I keep fighting.
I celebrate this win from Saturday. I didn’t get there on my own, I leaned on the people I love…and that’s okay.
They are my reason to keep fighting.
Every victory counts.
Celebrate them. 💗
- 📸 Credit: Tim DeBross
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