Original Facebook Post – August 6, 2018
I didn’t know what to expect walking back through those doors that I had dreamed of so many times while we were away…Doors that housed fractured relationships, and broken hearts, but with walls that echoed warmth, and laughter, and love. Doors that I exited as one person, but now would enter as another. This year has been an unsteady balance of joy and heartache. When we found out our mom was sick a few months after moving, I felt as though my world was crashing down, that I had made all the wrong decisions, and her illness was my fault. I unearthed levels of my depression and anxiety that had long been buried. How could I have done this? How could I have come back to this place I was so unsure of, to these people who left me feeling like I don’t know where I stand on any given day? How could I leave my own mother 3000 miles behind, and think everything would be okay? The truth is, this is where we were supposed to be. While we were gone, there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t long for this place, for these people, for the family we built in our years here. It called to me like a beacon, signalling us home, as if the universe knew there were storms ahead that we wouldn’t be able to face on our own. You have been a light in some of my deepest darkness. You have held me together when falling apart. Through loss, and heartbreak, and financial ruin, you have been the one constant support beam holding us up for the last 9 years. That is why, regardless of how tumultuous our relationship may be at times, I am forever grateful. You are our family. And even if I have difficulty expressing it at times, there isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not thankful to have found myself here again, in THIS place, with THESE people. My love is forever yours. 💗
