Original Facebook Post – November 25, 2015
It’s the start of Thanksgiving on the west coast, and the end of Victoria’s Birthday, and while digging in the archives for older pictures of her for the photo collage, I came across these two things. One is my blog post from August of 2005, after Steph asked me if I would be the Godmother to her first born, and the second is an e-mail I wrote to Victoria toward the end of the 2014 school year. I remember being incredibly excited by the idea of Godparenthood, even if the criteria was vague. I knew it was an honor to be asked, and mostly thought of it as a fun role, like the “Cool Aunt” without the blood ties. That’s what the blog post represents to me. I think of that version of myself as who I was before true love. The e-mail was written by somebody else entirely. I remember the day she was born. It was Black Friday, and the chaotic work week had led to an even more chaotic culmination as soon as the doors opened for business that day. On top of that, our cat, Buyo’s mom, Sakura, was hit by a car and killed the previous day (The Worst Thanksgiving EVER). Needless to say, I was having a rough week. And then the text came in. Victoria Grace had entered the world, and my heart filled with joy. It would be a while before I could meet her, but just knowing she was there made me smile. A few weeks before her baptism, I received news that someone I cared for very deeply had taken his own life. It shattered me. I started drinking excessively to numb the heartache, and nearly didn’t make the trip to St. Louis to not just baptize my Goddaughter, but to meet her for the first time. Thankfully, I was bullied into it at the last minute. I knew I loved her existence, and the idea of her, but what I felt when I held her in my arms, and she nestled into me, was something beyond words and ideas. I am a deeply feeling person, we all know this. I have always loved with my whole heart. I’d held kids before, I’d loved kids before, but this was something different. This reached into my core, and illuminated my soul. Less than six months old, she had healed me twice. To say I love her is an understatement. With each passing year she amazes me more and more. She is scholastically brilliant, athletically adept, and musically gifted. As incredible as all of that is, that isn’t what makes her awe-inspiring. The depth of her kindness, compassion, and capacity to love will change the world. And that is why I want to start this Thanksgiving by thanking Stephanie and John, first and foremost, for being incredible parents. Anyone who has spent any time around their children will tell you the same. This is a gushing post about Victoria, because it’s her Birthday, but trust and believe that the boys will also blow your minds. I also want to thank them for including me in their family. I am Victoria’s Godmother on paper. All other ties to the St. Louis Family I speak so fondly of are mere matters of the heart. But I love them all as my own flesh and blood, and they are kind enough to indulge me. Lastly, I want to thank them for the God-motherhood. I’m still not entirely sure what that amounts to, but it has led me to the truest love I have ever known, one that is still illuminating my soul 10 years later. When I share pictures of the kids, I often refer to them as a tether. It isn’t just a cute caption. Regardless of how lost I become in myself or the dysfunction around me, even just a glimpse of them always returns me to the light. 
