Two weeks ago, I turned 40. It was an awful day, capping off one of the worst weeks I’ve had in a long time. Physically, mentally, emotionally, I was depleted. Despite the progress I’ve made in recent years, the tremendous personal growth, I was overwhelmed by what feels like 40 years of failure. I’ve spent a lifetime choosing a path of love that has never chosen me in return. Putting the needs of others above anything and everything I ever wanted or needed for myself. Only to be disappointed, neglected, and taken for granted time and time again. It’s been years of work to find my purpose, to believe my existence has value. A few bad days and my Depression tries to undo all the work I’ve put in. Mental health is an everyday struggle. It is constant reinforcement. It is giving yourself the grace you show others. Allowing yourself to have bad days, without letting the bad days have you. It is understanding that you are the only person who determines your worth. When people don’t return the love you give, when they don’t hold you in the same regard you hold them, it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. When your pursuits don’t pan out, it’s because there’s something better meant for you. Our disappointments make us stronger. They broaden our perspective. They help us realign our focus and desire. Everything we experience helps us to learn and grow and evolve. Whenever I’ve felt sorry for myself over the last few weeks, I’ve been flooded with memories of what my life used to be. Of the obstacles I’ve overcome. Of the trauma I’ve survived. Of the hardship I’ve fought through. Of the darkness that almost claimed me. We get so caught up in the now, we forget everything that has come before. You’ve already survived all of your worst days, all the things you told yourself you couldn’t. Don’t let the voices in your darkness try to tell you differently, you’re a freaking Badass! Act accordingly. 
