As a kid, the idea of a New Year’s resolution was fun, and when they were made, it was usually in jest:
“This year I won’t eat any brussel sprouts!”
“I resolve to brush my teeth with pudding every Wednesday!”
“I will only speak in foreign accents for the entire year!”
The passage of time was never much of a motivator for my self-improvement. I think part of me has always believed that if you truly want to achieve something, you’ll do what it takes to make it happen, regardless of what day it is on the calendar. I’m not saying that’s possible for all things, only for the things I’ve personally wanted to conquer. Not to mention, there’s definitely a negative stigma attached to New Year’s resolutions. Even before I really understood what making them meant, I was kind of programmed to think that they were foolish. Most people didn’t stick to them, so they were more a prediction of your future failures, than your successes, right? Needless to say, I’ve never been the New Year, New ME! type.
However, I have always viewed the new year as a blank slate, a canvas of endless possibilities. When that ball drops in Times Square, the world around me is illuminated. Cheering. Bottles popping. Glasses clanking. Sausage frying. Music. Singing. Laughter. Fireworks. Sparkly confetti falling. Warm embraces. I am thrust into a sensory overload that leaves me feeling elated, and hopeful. For a few moments I let myself get swept away in the idea that THIS is the year! The year I learn to feel love again…the year I am financially unburdened…the year I finally free myself from the ghosts of the past! Eventually though, the dazzling lights fade. And your station returns to it’s regularly scheduled program. And the only sound left is the faint snoring of the world fast asleep. And I am once again alone with my thoughts.
That’s the stillness where my New Year begins. I try to digest and process the chapter that just ended. History will keep repeating until we pay attention to what it’s trying to tell us. Mostly I try to reiterate what I’ve learned. Making bad decisions, putting your faith in the wrong people, failing to meet your goals, are all disappointments that we never want to suffer, but they’re a necessary evil. They force us to learn, they force us to grow, they force us to push ourselves harder the next time around, and they forge our next direction.
Acknowledging the past, even the parts I’d like to forget, shapes my hope for the New Year. I try to avoid giving myself commandments or ultimatums. My strong aversion to authority includes the voice within. I loathe being told what to do, period. I’m sure that’s part of what makes resolutions so difficult to see through to the end. We turn our New Year’s resolutions into Resolutions. It becomes this thing, and we can’t handle the pressure of the idea of it. So we give up before we even really start, because it’s a Resolution, after all, and who wants to make themselves look like a fool?
My solution has been to give myself some suggestions on how to fill the blank pages of the next chapter. Two years ago I struggled with being present. When I hosted things, I hosted the entire time, I would never partake. I didn’t get to have full conversations, because I’d have to run off to take care of things, I wasn’t in the pictures, because I was the one taking the pictures, I didn’t relax and enjoy, because it was a well-oiled machine that had to stay in motion, or it would run off the rails. When we were at events, I was viewing them through a lens, so my memories were of photos instead of experiences. As 2014 came to a close, I thought, “Hey..it might be nice to be involved in the life I’m living, at least a little bit”. Now I remind myself to try to stay present in those situations. It doesn’t always work, but I’ve gotten much better about it. Finally getting this website functioning was another New Year’s suggestion: “Hey, you’ve owned that website for a few years now, maybe you should try to use it!”. Again, I’m not all in, but I’ve made definitive progress!
When we try to force ourselves to do things that we have no real desire to do, the odds for success are against us. We often try to do what we feel we have to, or what we’ve been told that we should. As you enter this New Year, think about what you’d like to see written in your new chapter. The more specific you can be, the better. How we say things to ourselves, the language of our inner voice, should echo what’s in our heart. Do you want to be skinny, or do you want to be fit? Do you want to go on a diet, or do you want to eat healthier? Do you want a significant other or do you want to not feel lonely? These are all different messages, with different goals, and different ways to go about achieving them.
Not everyone is a gym person. If that isn’t your thing, don’t force yourself to go because your friends do. Maybe you’d like to dance. Or bike around the neighborhood with your kid. Or Sweat To The Oldies with Richard Simmons in the privacy of your own home. Maybe you’re an evening power-walker. There are plenty of ways to incorporate fitness into your day.
It’s been proven time and time again that the only long-lasting effects of dieting are psychological. You have a world of information at your fingertips. Almost every “unhealthy” food has some kind of healthier alternative or substitute. A few simple changes in the ingredients that you use, or even the way you prepare foods, can help you shed weight, and keep it away.
If your main motivation for entering a relationship is that you’re bored on your own, or you just don’t like feeling lonely, your relationship will not last. If you don’t enjoy spending time with yourself for an extended period of time, what makes you think anyone else would want to do that? There is so much to see, and do, and experience, and so many people to meet in this world, that it is absolutely impossible to ever be bored. Instead of stumbling from relationship to relationship, focus on what it is that you ultimately get from one, fulfillment, companionship, support. Most cities have volunteer programs that do anything and everything to help people, places, and things…all year ’round, even, not just during the holidays! Explore your interests. The world is full of people who like and/or have suffered similar things, and they usually form communities and events to celebrate/commiserate the awesomeness/awfulness of the thing! Strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet.
Today is the first day of a New Year. Exciting, I know! The possibilities are endless…as endless as they are every other day of the year, actually. Right now though, society is more accepting of you trying new things. While I know that is enticing, my hope for you this New Year, is that you be who you want to be, at your own pace, and on your own terms.
There is enough pudding in the world for everyone.
And twice as much love.
Happy New Year!
